Friday, June 1, 2012

A beautiful omen or a harbinger of doom?

I'm going to start this off with a pretty broad statement:  I rarely have bad days.  Yes, I get grumpy; yes, there are times where I string profanities together in a way that would make a sailor blush; yes, there are times that I cry, but overall - my life is pretty charmed and blessed.  I'm that annoying "glass half full" person. 

Today has seemed to prove itself as an exception to my perpetually and annoyingly sunny personality.  I emailed Ryan and told him that I was ready to pack it in, go back to bed and forget that this day ever started.

I have a sick aunt ... not just ill ... the kind of illness that has her struggling in the hospital after brain surgery.  I don't care if it's 2012 and the medical world is full of all sorts of technology and smarts that make them better than they were 30 years ago.  Brain surgery.  It's not like getting your tonsils out. 

And then I got an email from the kid that I mentored this year at Mayo High School.  She didn't pass her grad-required reading test, ergo - she isn't graduating.  DAMMIT - she had the second highest improved GPA in the STRIVE mentoring group we were a part of.  She had damn near perfect attendance in her school.  She's supposed to go to RCTC in the fall and she would be the first in her family to ever attend college.  DOESN'T THIS ALL MEAN SOMETHING IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS???  I am so fracking proud of this kid that I'm damn near apoplectic with rage at the high school and I'm frustrated at the system.  I want to call them and be like, you know - I know fuck-ups.  I know people who have graduated from high school who probably shouldn't.  This kid isn't a pot smoker.  She's not lazy.  She has a hard time reading.  English wasn't her first language and there are days when her diction is better than mine and I was born and raised in this country. 

I'm almost ready to admit that I've been defeated by this day.  (And it isn't even lunchtime yet.  And I still have work to do.  And a 2 PM conference call.) 

I admitted as such to my husband.

Me: "This day is lacking in good things."
Him: "It's Friday, that has to count for something." 
As I was contemplating an email back that would remind him that I have enough work this weekend to choke a horse and chain me to my laptop this weekend, another email came in.
Him: "The cat, baby and I love you."
I was about to remind him that the cat loves no one, the kid has no choice since I'm his lifeline to this planet and that he was obligated to love me through marriage when another email came in.
Him:  "The rose is finally blooming.  That has to count for something."

We have lived in this house for a little under five years.  For the first four years of our residence, we've had this weird little vine on the side of the house that has grown prolifically, looked like a rose (damn thing has thorns ...), but never bloomed.  During the first year, we chalked this up to the fact that Ryan had accidentally thwacked it off with the weed whacker.  (To be honest - that was likely good for it ...)  And then I thought about digging it up this year, but never got around to it. 

And now - nearly five years and the removal of one huge, sun-blocking pine tree later - we have the most surprisingly beautiful miniature rosebush blooming in our yard.  However, I grumpily informed my husband that I wasn't sure if the rosebush was a good omen or a harbinger of doom.  (Hey - I said I'm having a bad day ...)

But as I went outside and snapped a couple pictures of my accidentally beautiful rosebush, I found myself thinking deep thoughts that went beyond my usual pregnant mind state of "damn, my hips hurt" or "do I really have to give up my cheese addiction after the baby gets here?" 

Sometimes things need to change to let something else move forward.   The kid I mentored has dealt with her recent news with grace that astonishes me.

"Don't worry because I'm okay with everything else and sometimes life gives you challenges and this is one of them," she wrote.  

Good Lord, kid ... if you can tell me this in one of the darkest moments of your life - I guess I can suck it up a little bit longer, put on my big girl panties, and deal with this day.  

The rosebush?  It is what it is.  It started blooming because it is now bathed in sunlight.  My kid will either find a way to graduate with the rest of her class or she'll get her adult diploma ... she will make the best of whatever happens because that is who she is.  

As for my aunt? If y'all could keep my Aunt Penny in your thoughts and prayers - she is in need of them.  And she appreciates them - my cousin Leah reads the wonderful comments and prayers that people leave for her on Facebook and when she's been coherent, it has brightened her day.


Paul said...

Big hug. The rose looks beautiful. Your friends love you too :)

Amanda said...

We love you too. Praying for your Aunt Penny. And you too!

It's the little things that sometimes lighten the mood. Those roses are beautiful!

Deb said...

Holy cow, those roses are amazing. A good analogy for positive accidents. And your "kid" sounds like they have more maturity than people ten years older.

Jodi said...

Loved this post Shelley! (I'm a bit behind on my reading as you can see).

Jodi said...

Loved this post Shelley!! (I'm a bit behind on my reading as you can tell).